New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
