Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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