I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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