How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
