I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
