Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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