i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
