I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
