omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
