dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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