Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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