she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
