I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
