Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
