I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
