You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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