So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize