I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
