come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
