remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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