our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
