Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
