You really coming over, don't trick.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
