so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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