Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
