I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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