You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
