He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it because I queefed?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
