Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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