I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
