i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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