I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
