i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
