Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
