I think i peed on brittanys purse
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
