drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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