All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
