my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
