Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
