I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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