tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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