I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm like, not good at living.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
