Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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