you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
