making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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