She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
