The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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