Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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