i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
