but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
how drunk are you?
Several
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
