You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
