Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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