Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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