Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
