Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
