my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Randomize
