I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
