if i died would you start the facebook group?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
