Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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