if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
