TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
