What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
