it wasn't lemon gatorade
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
