Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
