You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
