I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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