my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
