the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
