Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
