We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
