I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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