Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
