you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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