yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
