Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
