Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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