she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
