I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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