Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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