you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
