Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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