I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
