i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
worst night to have a conscience
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
