Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
