i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Never underestimate the power of titties
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
