She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
