i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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