But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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