return my video game
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
