The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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