BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
