just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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